Lauren Lamonica

Sometimes while I’m eating lunch at my desk I’ll check out a podcast or NPR. Last week, I heard a woman named Helen Fisher talking on the NPR show, Fresh Air.  She is a PhD and Biological Anthropologist and was hired a couple of years ago to work on Chemistry.com, which I think is owned still by Match.com. She got a little heat for possibly endorsing Chemistry.com, but she expressed that the company had “an earnest interest” in getting to the root of attraction. Also, I was intrigued by the types described on the show: Director, Negotiator, Explorer, Builder. The Director is driven by testosterone, the Negotiator is driven by estrogen, the Explorer by dopamine, and the Builder by serotonin.

Later that night, I took the test described . I must say that I was impressed with the variety of question types and that they were not very relationship-centric. Meaning, Chemistry didn’t ask questions about how many kids or pets you want, your height and age desires, etc. This was more of a personality test.

I learned, from the test, that I’m a Negotiator (primary traits) / Director (secondary traits). My description was spot on, and the people I encouraged to take the test all agreed that the test was mostly accurate for them as well.

Apparently, Directors and Negotiators are often attracted to each others’ compliment. The site says Director/Negotiators (primary/secondary) are mutually attracted to Negotiator/Directors, because negotiators provide the diplomacy while the Directors are laser focused and often need someone to “smooth it over.” Builders seek Builders, and Explorers seek Explorers. The rundown of all of this is here .

Normally, I’d give my commentary about how silly this site is or delve into questions (how much are these types about me vs. where I am in age/job, etc) but I need to think about that a bit more. In the meantime, the test was kind of cool so take it . Warning: this test requires 10-15 minutes of your time, requires very basic log-in (email, password, age), and the results are given to you quickly. COPY/SAVE THEM. I haven’t signed up for or explored Chemistry in any real way, so I’m not sure I would be able to retrieve that final “Your Results” page if I’d closed the window.

On the only personal note: I did get an old friend and once-boyfriend to take the test and he turned out to be an Explorer/Builder. As a Negotiator/Director, I realized that, opposites could certainly attract. But I’m also interested in learning that Negotiators jive with all the other types. Or, as he put it, “I’m a Type O Ho.”

MY RESULTS:

Primary: Negotiator (Estrogen) / Secondary: Director (Testosterone)

About Your Personality Type:

You have a broad overview of reality. You like to tackle large, complex issues and weigh all the variables involved. And you can be innovative and bold, generating new perspectives and providing imaginative solutions to ambiguous social, political, intellectual or technical problems.

You have fine tuned social skills, easily picking up the gestures, facial expressions and speech patterns of others and expressing yourself clearly and vividly. You are intuitive, too; you understand people, and genuinely sympathize with them. Because you are also flexible and cooperative, you are also good at working in teams.

Yet despite your poise in social situations, you often prefer solitude or informed and detailed conversations with just one individual or a few close friends. You try to avoid routine meetings and social engagements. You prize your independence.

You like to focus deeply and thoroughly on your interests. You can be exacting, tough-minded, analytical and strategic in your approach, too. You leave no stone unturned.

Negotiator  / Primary Traits:

• Sees the big picture
• Imaginative
• Intuitive
• Verbal skills
• Empathetic
• Trusting
• Introspective

Director / Secondary Traits:

• Decisive
• Focused
• Analytical
• Logical
• Competitive
• Self disciplined
• Independent

In Love and Relationships:

You are idealistic and romantic. You want to bond in a spiritual sense, communicate your innermost feelings and sustain an intense and meaningful relationship. You have a rich fantasy life. And, for you, sex must be mixed with romance and meaning. When you find true love, you focus your attention on your beloved. You give thoughtful gifts, are sensitive to your mate’s feelings and communicate your emotions clearly. You are capable of unconditional love. You can be irreverent about traditional marriage, however. You feel your personal commitment is the true marriage vow. In fact, you may be inclined to write your own vows and create a non-traditional wedding ceremony. You unconsciously gravitate to those who are imaginative and playful with ideas. You also like those with an unruffled calm and decisiveness, those who are ambitious, and those who can focus on their goals-individuals who complement your restless soul-searching.

In Relating to Others:

• You seek an authentic connection with just about everyone you meet, and you want to have in-depth discussions with friends and colleagues about ideas and feelings.
• You do not suffer fools gladly; “small talk” leaves you cold.

Things to be aware of:

• Because you can see so many angles to an issue or decision, you can be indecisive.
• You wrestle with the contradictory feelings of being too eager to please and being tough minded. Don’t worry too much.
• When you feel betrayed you can be unforgiving and hold a grudge too long.

Spark Factor:

• You tend to naturally gravitate to the DIRECTOR/negotiators.

It’s a rainy day in SF and I’m sleepy from a 5-hour trip back from Tahoe, prior to the roads closing. I’ll finally post my 25 random things request from Facebook…

1. I’m a sucker for peer pressure. I thought this 25-things-about-me thing was really dumb until Blair did it.
2. I had a boaters’ license years before a drivers’ license.
3. I’ll eat anything. I swallowed a thumbtack when I was a baby, and “passed” it. And when I was 3, I got 4 stitches in my mouth because an apple sauce jar broke while I licked its remains.
4. I interned on the movie Final Destination in Vancouver, BC after my sophomore year in undergrad and have a small cameo on a Hare Krishna pamphlet in the first airport scene.
5. I was on the cover of the Austrian Times, and was called a “buttercup breasted blonde” in an American news article…both for modeling nude in a robotic art piece when I was 19.
6. I was in Manhattan on 9/11 and “walked home” to Queens because the bridges were closed.
7. I order Dominoes Pizza once a month and have a bed picnic with Cheesy Bread.
8. My favorite birthday was my 7th because I got a plastic fruit necklace, my ears pierced, and BBQ’ed with my closest family mates.
9. I come from a big family. I have about 22 first cousins who are my best friends.
10. I’m a runner. I’ve run 3 marathons and hope to someday qualify for the Boston Marathon.
11. I force myself to create “art”. I recently painted a picture of an owl for my mother.
12. Manners are very important to me, because I see them as a sign of respect.
13. I’m Catholic. I forgive anyone who is sorry, no matter what. And I still pray.
14. I now have about 7 pages of real search results for my name, and apparently 1 stalker.
15. I write music…poorly. I’ve written 3 songs on piano and 3 by voice.
16. Looking at a starry sky has always given me the chills, hope, and a feeling of smallness.
17. I played the violin and took Spanish classes for 6 years each.
18. I broke a Guinness World Book of records by jumping into the Atlantic Ocean with almost 8,000 other people this year.
19. I taught my little brother to ride a bike without training wheels.
20. I wanted to be an astronaut while I was growing up and made many “serious” attempts at constructing a spaceship.
21. I chipped my L3 vertebrae by falling down a basement entrance in NYC, and played it off like I was OK.
22. The song Bottles and Bones by Califone is probably my favorite song.
23. My openness and honesty is often perceived as weird, but I am reluctant to change.
24. I recently met a Federal Air Marshall on a plane ride.
25. I’m embarrassed about not keeping up with current events enough.

Years after graduating from CMU’s Art Department with a BFA in Electronic and Time-based Media Art (2001), I feel I’m getting some love! Not that the Art department didn’t appreciate my sell-out electronic art focus while I was there…but I feel I’m finally getting some publicity within their alumni newsletters. Also, I’ve been receiving catch-up emails from the Dean of the College of Fine Arts, little blurbs on their website…and CHECK THIS OUT: a snapshot of an interactive Shockwave movie I made is featured on the CMU Art Page!

This image is a screen shot of my old portfolio site at laurenlamonica.com, which linked to shots and videos of my 3D models, paintings, sculpture, performance art, VR worlds, videos and films, and my resume. I’m going to have to bring this site back up for the memories!

(It’s a snapshot because I don’t think you can even play Shockwave movies anymore).

I went to NY a couple of weeks ago to join an annual tradition in Long Beach, NY - jumping into the Atlantic Ocean on Superbowl Sunday. I did this for the first time last year with about 5,000 other Long Beach Polar Bears. This chapter was founded back in 1998 by my uncle, Kevin McCarthy and his friend, who wanted to do something crazy for their upcoming birthdays. A few years later, with about a hundred members, they decided to turn the event into a fundraiser for Make A Wish. In 2008, the event raised 350K. This year’s event, which has doubled in size over last year’s to almost 10,000 Polar Bears (a Guiness World Record), has been expected to raise almost 1 Million Dollars.

I am very proud of my uncle and everyone else who jumped into the cold Atlantic on this beautiful NY winter day. My family was all there in orange “staff” hoodies volunteering and collecting money for Make A Wish. What a great day. Here is a video, which features my uncle talking about the event.

The Founder and former CEO of Linden Lab, Philip Rosedale, recently posted a blog entry in which he expressed his intentions to revisit and improve the interactive map of Second Life, a virtual world with millions of users. Since the development of a new homepage with an interactive map was the first project I’d ever managed, I thought I’d recall how we arrived at its conception.

The main goal of the site at the time was to get visitors to download a free 30-day trial of Second Life, and the main objective of the project was to “move the needle” by increasing our trial/visit rate on the site, which hovered at around 4%, I believe. Our strategy for attracting the early adopters who would grow the community was to explain that Second Life had limitless possibilities and that “yes you, Site Visitor, can shape this world into anything you want.”

But the homepage had a few problems: First, hardly anyone knew what “virtual reality” was in 2004. Images on Secondlife.com often depicted games like Tringo, people dancing in a club, and the occasional furry. So, the average site visitor immediately assumed Second Life was a 3D game or something like the Sims. Second, most site visitors didn’t understand that the images they were seeing depicted 3D models that were “user-created” with SL’s tools, and were not made by Linden Lab. Third, we wanted to show exponential growth in content within Second Life without requiring that our one and only designer constantly snap and upload pictures in-world. Finally, it seemed that if we could convey that Second Life was a place and not a game, we would have a much easier time explaining the rest

So, in designing a new site, there were a few parameters to set:

1. Show different scenarios (dancing, a game) simultaneously so that a visitor to the site doesn’t bounce because they’re not interested in the first scenario they see.
2. Show that Second Life is user-created.
3. Show constant growth and activity in Second Life.
4. Show Second Life as a place and not a game.

At the time, there were two trends that were taking over, on the web and in SL, respectively: Google’s new slick AJAX map and Snapzilla, a website created by Second Life users to share photos; a Flickr for Second Life. Leveraging these trends, we formed an idea that seemed within our solution space: a contextual screenshot gallery that would be automatically updated by residents of Second Life via posting Snapshots from in-world to the web—in the form of a map.

The first roll out of the map did not see an increase in the trial/visit rate, but it did provide a clearer vision of Second Life as a place, and represented Second Life via the web. This was essential in improving the user experience and mass adoption of Second Life.

Over the course of a year, the homepage and the map changed several times, becoming connected and disconnected at times. But the map evolved regardless. The first phase was the creation of the map and its use on the homepage. The second phase involved a adding check box on the Snapshot feature which allowed users to “publish image to the web,” and the third was the invention of the SLURL, or Second Life URL, which gave those without Second Life installed the ability to visit a location in Second Life on a web-based map, and then the opportunity to join and start their journey at that location

Philip’s new map is much smoother and has more detail, but as Philip points out “the practical challenge of rendering things far away [within Second Life] combined with the weaknesses of the existing web and in-world maps have made this more an aspiration than a reality.” How valuable is the vision of “space” in Second Life if point-to-point teleporting is more efficient than flying from one place to another as the world slowly renders around you?

I hope to see improvements both in the web-based an in-world maps. In the meantime I noticed that two of the features which we had created to make the map more relevant are now missing, as far as I can tell:

1. How I can automatically post a photo from within Second Life to the web, and have it show up like it does on an Earth map in Flickr? The checkbox I pushed that said “publish to web” is no longer there.
2. How can I input an image of my house in place of the default “Welcome to Second Life” graphic upon visiting a SLURL? For example, I’d like to send someone a SLURL of my home location, with an image of my house in place.

Now that the map actually functions in the way we’d always hoped—I won’t be satisfied until I can also search it for items, businesses, and residents, as I search web-based maps in my real life.

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I recently took a graduate-level Negotiations class. I learned that there are 3 parts to any negotiating party’s approach: Interests, Issues, and Positions. Taking this a step further, I’d say there is a fourth, more subtractive part to this algorithm: The “bottom line,” which is also known as a Boundary. Successful relationships—in love, work and family—require the following 4 self-evaluations (and don’t forget that a Corporation is counted as an individual):

1. What are your Interests? (broad)
2. What are your Issues? (specific)
3. What is your Position? (more specific)
4. What is your Boundary (“bottom line”)? (very, very specific)

INTERESTS, ISSUES, POSITIONS, AND BOUNDARIES:

INTERESTS: Interests follow any individual no matter where they go, into any “negotiation” aka relationship. An example we learned in school is that often Japanese companies are concerned with “saving face.” OK. For me personally, my Interests are to be respected, constantly growing, and “cool.”

ISSUES: Issues are much more specific than Interests. At work, an Issue is how much of a bonus we might receive. In love, a common issue is “are we exclusive?” In family, it might be “where are we spending the holidays?” But at the heart of our Issues are the Interests of being respected and feeling loved and trusted.

POSITIONS: Our Positions (i.e. “I deserve 15 percent!”) are the application of our Interests on the Issues. It’s where you stand based on how you’re raised, your religion, East vs. West coast. Are you for or against the Man, Abortion, Polygamy, etc?

BOUNDARIES: Within all Issues and our Positions, we have the opportunity to input Boundaries, which are “bottom line” scenarios that we find acceptable, to which others will adhere or will dismiss. We cannot control others. If we do not communicate our Boundaries, we will end up frustrated. Recently I heard that if you find yourself saying the words “they should have,” you are suffering—and it’s because you didn’t communicate and keep your boundaries. Boundaries must be set up proactively. In learning about Boundaries and how to set them, I found the cheesiest self-empowerment website here .

I will point out 2 times in my life in which I ignored the difference between Interests, Issues, and Positions, and then poorly communicated my Boundaries due to lack of self-honesty and thought:

WORK-RELATED:

SCENARIO: I left a cushy job to join a start-up that offered tons of learning experience (growth!) and the ability to shape a company (respect!). I enjoyed wearing many hats and doing the dirty work. For example, I priced a cleaning service when we got a real office. After a year, the company hired middle-management, an HR manager, and people to replace certain hats. Suddenly the execs were no longer my managers, my punctuality was being monitored, and I couldn’t join all of the cool brainstorms.

HOW I SCREWED UP: I accepted a job without talking about my Interests (the desire to grow), my Issues (rewards written into my contract), and my Boundaries (“If I receive a year of positive performance reviews and don’t receive a promotion, I will leave”). I found myself saying “they should have given me a promotion.” But really, I’m the one who “should have” expressed my Interests and Issues.

LOVE-RELATED:

SCENARIO: A same-aged boyfriend was spending a lot of time with a much younger girl (I know, this already sounds like psycho rant, but hear me out…). After they took a weekend road-trip together, I told him it made me feel old and jealous. We had, what I thought was, a very intimate talk in which he assured me that he was not interested in her. A few weeks later, they secretly went camping alone together while I went out of town for business. When I found out, I was embarrassed and felt a loss of dignity (respect).

HOW I SCREWED UP: I expressed my feelings, but not my Interests. I said I felt old and jealous but not that I felt disrespected and un-cool for not knowing (my main Interests!). I also didn’t share my Position on the Issue completely: we agreed we were “exclusive” but his spending extended time alone with another girl felt to me like “emotional cheating.” Finally, I didn’t set a boundary: (“If you spend the night alone with another girl without asking me first, we’re over.”)

CONCLUSION:

In the past, Religion and Tradition have done the job of providing mutually accepted Boundaries, such as “No red meat on Fridays”, “No sex before marriage”, “Not working without benefits.” But as we approach the year 2010, how can we replace the Boundaries and rules accepted for many centuries in work and our personal lives?

The answer is one that the BDSM community has been fostering for the past few decades: thorough communication and negotiation.

I had an idea and wanted to get feedback about it. Many of my friends have recently become unemployed. These are San Francisco professionals with experience in marketing, web development, graphic design, writing and music creation (and those are just my friends). While we’re out of work, why not use this time for Ad hoc Education, cheap social outings, and make some deals with retailers, restaurants and coffee shops (with free wifi) to network and teach others our skills?

Main objectives of this program:

1. Networking
2. Job and skill training
3. Stimulating the economy by throwing local vendor some business
4. Filling a gap in employment history with an official agenda
5. Giving back, even when you have nothing to give

NETWORKING: You may have just lost your job, but your previous employer may still be in need of a web developer. Your web developer friend may know someone who needs a project manager. Etc. Also, when we get back on our feet, we’ll remember who was with us in the trenches.

JOB AND SKILL TRAINING: I’m in grad school at SF State working on my MBA part-time. I could share my acquired knowledge and hundreds of dollars in textbooks with those looking to learn about project management theory, flowcharting, basic web design, and UX design. I’d like to learn: backend web design, SQL, and PHP. I’d like to find a model for some figure drawing sessions, someone to teach me how to play the guitar, and learn how to make a killer osso buco.

STIMULATING THE ECONOMY: I live on Union St. in Cow Hollow and all I see is "70% off" in every store window. I haven’t been out for a coffee in weeks as I’ve been drinking green tea at home, to save money. Well, what if this "club" had a discount card for certain shops, coffee shops, and hosted discounted lunches for meetings? These businesses are suffering too, and could use the bump.

EMPLOYMENT GAP: What did you do while you were unemployed? Did you finally get to watch the last season of 90210? (That’s a confession) Did you volunteer? What if you were a part of this Ad hoc Educational Coalition, which gave you the opportunity to teach as well as learn? That’s a pretty good story.

GIVING BACK: You finally have the time to do it.

While you consider this idea, check out one of my favorite new blogs, Unemploymentality , and join the group Depression 2.0! on Facebook. If you decide not to jump of the Golden Gate Bridge, please leave a comment for encouragement…

Lunch at Mike’s

Originally uploaded by lauren.lamonica

Japanese food for Monday lunch. Awesome. Thank you!